Where Do I Start?

"...The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one." - Mark Twain

It is with encouragement from the ever wise Mr. Clemens that I will begin this new adventure in my life known as a blog. Blogs are incredibly popular these days and I have to admit that I am excited about getting started. I feel as if it can go one of two ways: 1) absolutely no one will read it and I will be venting into cyberspace on my own or 2) some will read it and maybe get a little bit of insight on what to do or, more probably, not to do in their own lives. I pray it will be the latter but, quite honestly, I vent to myself either way. You are welcome to tag along.

I must start out by being honest and admitting that I am probably not the greatest role model when it comes to how one should or should not live the Christian life. However, I firmly believe that I am one of many examples on how people usually do live the Christian life. This is a sad but true fact of life; one I am attempting to remedy in my own being. I find it difficult to go day to day without stumbling in some fashion and thus discover myself giving up quite often. I go through times of self-doubt, brief depression, and even times of raw guilt at not seemingly being competent enough to accomplish the tasks and way of life I know God has laid out for me. I struggle with the sense that maybe I am just not feeling enough, I'm not emotional enough. I see some people around me raising hands in worship, others with tears rolling down their faces (whether for joy or sadness I know not), and still others falling to the altar on bended knee before the invitation is even given. What am I missing here? Is my heart so like a stone that it simply isn't possible for the message they must have heard to penetrate? I often feel that this is the case; that I'm too cold-hearted to be melted by such spiritual thanksgiving and meditation. 

I am embarrassed to acknowledge this darkness I sometimes feel. I know in the end, however, that it might be this candor that assists someone else when they too seem to fall into despair. For the lessons I have learned through these trying times in my life have been for my benefit...and now for yours. Take comfort in knowing that no one is alone in these trials. Others are suffering right along side you. Also, never make the mistake of believing that one persons' trial is more or less significant than anyone else's. God gives me only what I can handle and that may or may not be a difficulty for you. One thing we can take comfort in is that God promised He'd never forsake us...ever (Hebrews 13:5b). With that in mind, I persevere in the bad times and thrive in the good.

I leave you with this: my blog will be as honest an account as I can muster. It will tell of things I've either personally experienced or of things shared with me by others. I cannot say it will always be happy and I cannot say it will always be neat and packaged. It will be what it will be: my life and my heart.

Photo: By Melissa Lee, Jekyll Island 2010