"Sometimes I feel as cold as steel, and broken like I'm never gonna heal. Then I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurl... the empty disappears. I remember why I'm here; To surrender and believe..." - Lady Antebellum
Every time I hear this song by Lady A, I think of my life and the brevity of it. I think of all of the things I have yet to do and of all the time I've wasted not doing them. For example, I have a strong desire to roam and it consumes me! I love to travel with an ungodly passion. I love the adventure and the excitement of seeing things, people, and cultures from all over the world. In my mind I cannot discover history here at home; it is elsewhere, anywhere, but where I am and I need to go! As much as I desire to travel more in the future, however, I cannot deny that I have been blessed with the travel I've done thus far at my young age. I have been to 7 countries overseas and I have been to 23 of our 50 states. I have seen things some people only dream about including the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and the London Eye, and even the fifth largest mosque in the world (the Hassan II Mosque). I have visited cultures so different and new that they both awed and terrified me at the same time. I am truly blessed.
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| Picture: By Melissa Lee, Morocco 2003 |
And yet...
Despite the song pulling at my heart strings and reminding me, "hey, life is short...use the time wisely!", I continue to want more and more. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting more and having the desire for excitement and adventure. God has provided us a beautiful world and we should accept and enjoy the view. So, this desire is not my issue. My issue is that these desires are usually selfish. Why? Because 99.9% of the time they are our desires! We hardly ever stop to remember that maybe, just maybe, God has desires for us; that He has plans for us. He absolutely does! Jeremiah 29:11 says He knows the plans he has for us, ones to prosper and not to harm, plans to give hope and a future. So why is it that, when I think of life and how it passes by so quickly, I only consider my own desires and not those of God? He lives in my heart and rules my life but do I give Him every thing? Do I surrender the desires of my life to Him? Do I sit patiently and wait for my Abba Father to bless and prosper me or do I take it into my own hands?
I'd have to say that I usually take things into my own hands. I do this to my own detriment most of the time. For example, I pre-pay for a trip and then my car breaks down or I buy new clothes and a bill I had forgotten is due. I understand that these are worst case scenarios but it happens nonetheless does it not? And again, I am not saying that pre-paying for a trip or buying new clothes are bad things. The point is simply to make sure that God is in it all. Personally, I find it easier to ask and pray to God about the disasters that have already happened and much more difficult to ask Him about the things that are yet to come. When we are broken and on our knees, of course we have the tendency to look up at God and ask, "why?" rather than intentionally going to our knees and asking, "May I?" or "should I?" Why can we not ask the One who already knows our future to tell us which path we should take and which joys and adventures are just right for us and which ones may lead to some unforeseen devastation?
I cannot answer those questions for you but I can tell you what I often tell myself. I am selfish. I am sometimes faithless. I fear that God will say "no" and I am not willing to hear it. I am a pauper wanting to live as a queen; outside my means. I tell myself these things when I begin to feel guilty. However, though these statements are sometimes true, albeit a little harsh, they are all nothing more than excuses. Excuses that I tell myself and God when I am apologizing later. Oh, but to be able to foresee the pain and frustration that can come from this lack of focus and meditation on God's plan! But we cannot unless we seek Him and seek Him daily! We need to humble ourselves before Him and plead that He would be as He promises in Psalm 119:105: a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Until we do this, diligently devour His word, we cannot hope to find the way He planned and the joys of a real and true contentment of life.
I hope you will continue on with me in my attempt to do just that: diligently devour His word. As I leave you, this is my prayer and it comes from Psalm 90: 12: "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." Here's to growing in wisdom!
Despite the song pulling at my heart strings and reminding me, "hey, life is short...use the time wisely!", I continue to want more and more. Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting more and having the desire for excitement and adventure. God has provided us a beautiful world and we should accept and enjoy the view. So, this desire is not my issue. My issue is that these desires are usually selfish. Why? Because 99.9% of the time they are our desires! We hardly ever stop to remember that maybe, just maybe, God has desires for us; that He has plans for us. He absolutely does! Jeremiah 29:11 says He knows the plans he has for us, ones to prosper and not to harm, plans to give hope and a future. So why is it that, when I think of life and how it passes by so quickly, I only consider my own desires and not those of God? He lives in my heart and rules my life but do I give Him every thing? Do I surrender the desires of my life to Him? Do I sit patiently and wait for my Abba Father to bless and prosper me or do I take it into my own hands?
I'd have to say that I usually take things into my own hands. I do this to my own detriment most of the time. For example, I pre-pay for a trip and then my car breaks down or I buy new clothes and a bill I had forgotten is due. I understand that these are worst case scenarios but it happens nonetheless does it not? And again, I am not saying that pre-paying for a trip or buying new clothes are bad things. The point is simply to make sure that God is in it all. Personally, I find it easier to ask and pray to God about the disasters that have already happened and much more difficult to ask Him about the things that are yet to come. When we are broken and on our knees, of course we have the tendency to look up at God and ask, "why?" rather than intentionally going to our knees and asking, "May I?" or "should I?" Why can we not ask the One who already knows our future to tell us which path we should take and which joys and adventures are just right for us and which ones may lead to some unforeseen devastation?
I cannot answer those questions for you but I can tell you what I often tell myself. I am selfish. I am sometimes faithless. I fear that God will say "no" and I am not willing to hear it. I am a pauper wanting to live as a queen; outside my means. I tell myself these things when I begin to feel guilty. However, though these statements are sometimes true, albeit a little harsh, they are all nothing more than excuses. Excuses that I tell myself and God when I am apologizing later. Oh, but to be able to foresee the pain and frustration that can come from this lack of focus and meditation on God's plan! But we cannot unless we seek Him and seek Him daily! We need to humble ourselves before Him and plead that He would be as He promises in Psalm 119:105: a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Until we do this, diligently devour His word, we cannot hope to find the way He planned and the joys of a real and true contentment of life.
I hope you will continue on with me in my attempt to do just that: diligently devour His word. As I leave you, this is my prayer and it comes from Psalm 90: 12: "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." Here's to growing in wisdom!
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