Newtons' Law

"Character is much easier kept than recovered."  - Thomas Paine

Isn't it funny how a single event in the life of someone else can bring memories from your own past flooding back to you? That is how it was with me anyway. An acquaintance of mine recently got married and just the thought of it threw me back about 6 and 1/2 years ago. You see, he wasn't an acquaintance exactly, but an ex-boyfriend. Now, I feel no love for this person, a simple kind of indifference actually, but it just amazes me to think of where I was back then when we were together. I think of all the choices we made and how much my life has changed since then. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and Lord knows that I would change almost 100% of everything that happened back then but He also knows, as does everyone else, that I cannot. 

The honest truth is that I never should have dated him in the first place. As awful as it sounds (and is), he was mostly a distraction. You see, I had already met the man I was going to marry. Robert and I met my very first week of college at the TTU bookstore. I left that store knowing he was my future and I told everyone so. A few weeks later, however, I found out he had a girlfriend. I was upset with God and impatient. I wanted someone right then. I didn't want to be left out or dateless to homecoming or any of the many other events TTU would host in the coming year. Around this time I met my ex and we became friends. We already hung out with some of the same crowd and so it was easy to be around him and he was easy to like. We started dating. It was wrong of me because I knew in my heart of hearts I was going to marry someone else. I knew that I didn't love him and I never would. I just needed someone to help me bide my time. It was wrong and heartless of me. I did it anyway. I guess my payback came when he broke up with me four months later. It was the first time I'd ever been broken up with and I didn't handle it very well. It shocked me if I were to be honest and I don't know if I was more angry because I didn't get there first or hurt because my pride was shaken. Either way, I deserved it.

To this day I don't believe my ex knows that whole story (though obviously he might now if he were to ever read this) and it really doesn't matter to me if he ever does. As awful as I know I was for behaving that way, he had his own share of issues that he brought to the table and, both together, made for a really bad four month relationship that should never have happened in the first place. Both of us had hearts elsewhere and because of that, we each caused the other a great deal of pain and aggravation that, to this day, is unresolved and has affected nearly every one of the friendships we made in college. Our bitterness towards each other did a lot of damage and ripples from those waves are still moving forward today.

I say all of that and lay my conscience bare before you because I realize now with absolute certainty that my choices do not only affect me but everyone around me. I've written about bitterness, I know, and I probably will again, but for now bitterness is simply an end result of what I will actually be discussing: bad choices. Most things that people regret, if not all, are the result of bad choices we've made at one time or another. I have made many, many, many bad choices in my life; just ask my mother and father. I have hurt people and I have ruined friendships. I'm not proud of it...any of it. I used the example of my ex because he is a shining example of how long the consequences of bad choices can last. I'm still suffering those consequences: bitterness, anger, a loss of friendships, etc...I'm still working on forgiveness after six years. I have this feeling that it will always be something I struggle with and that is my cross to bear for just one of my bad choices.


The Bible gives us so many examples of great men who made awful decisions: Lot, David, Moses, etc...those decisions almost seem to define who they are now in our memories. Who can think of David without thinking of his adultery with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband? Who can think of Lot without thinking about Sodom and Gomorrah and his wife turning into a pillar of salt? Who can think of Moses without thinking of how God forbade him from entering the promised land because of his disobedience? Not me. Some of these men also did great things as David was a man after Gods' own heart, and Moses helped set his people free, but how much less turmoil would they have suffered if they had simply made better choices? These men spoke to God and were led by Him and they still messed up. How can we even have a chance of doing what's right? It feels that way sometimes; like there's no hope for us if there was no hope even for men like David and Moses.


But there is...


We just have to realize bad choices often come from bad (or wrong) desires. We need to consider the condition of our hearts when we are making these choices. What are our motivations? Do they bring glory to God or do they shame Him and us? Often there is no pause between what we think we want and actually going after it. We don't take that extra second to think, "Is this ok? Should I be wanting this?"  I doubt David, after seeing Bathsheba in all her beauty, paused to ask Himself what God would have him do. Because we rarely take any time to consider the right and wrong of a thing in the moment, then maybe we should resort to already knowing. Maybe we should decide beforehand that we will seek God's face as often as we can so that when a rough choice comes to us, we will already have that information stored away. We will have more to go on and know more about how to avoid putting ourselves in compromising positions in the first place.  


Avoidance is the key and our best line of defense. Proverbs 5 talks about the mysterious woman and her cunning ways and says this in response: "Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel." If we made the choice to not even walk by her house then we would not have to even consider all the problems laying with her could cost. In verses 3-6 she is described this way, "For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it." Finally, in verses 11 through 14 it describes the aftermath of being with such a woman: "At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors. And I was soon in serious trouble in the assembly of God’s people.”


If we listen to our Lord and do what His Word says then we can avoid some serious trouble.  We should also consider the advice of those who have come before us such as our parents or grandparents or even friends. I often regret not listening to my mother on many occasions. She had far more wisdom than me and I refused to listen sometimes. I brought unnecessary pain upon myself by not heeding her warnings. We often feel this crazy need to live and learn...we believe we must experience things and make our own mistakes and figure it out on our own...why? Why intentionally ignore good advice and sound wisdom for the sake of going through it ourselves? We love to sing songs like "God Bless the Broken Road" because it rings of redemption and of how everything bad in our lives can all work out for the better. It glorifies the mistakes we've made "because they point us down paths that make us who we are." I for one don't want to live that way anymore. I don't want the "freedom" to make mistakes with consequences if there is even a slight chance to avoid them. I can accept them if and when I slip, but again, why not do what I can to eliminate the possibility of it occurring more often than needed? 


Though I used the example of the mysterious woman and sexual mistakes, there are far more examples out there. This one of sexual immorality is simply a more easily recognizable one. We can make many many other ones including ones at work, ones with friends and parents, financial ones, etc... We just need to see that every action/choice we make has a consequence. I for one intend to try making better choices and thus have better outcomes. 

Photo: Creatively edited by me