Fighting Words

Sub·mit [suh b-mit] verb:

1. To give over or yield to the power or authority of another

2. To defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc...

So...who knew that six little letters could cause such an uproar among the women of our generation and of generations past? And why? Why do these six letters make the hackles on the necks of even the most god-fearing women rise like that of a feral dog? Why do they make us narrow our eyes and cross our arms and glare down our noses at the mere mention of them? Good question. Really good question. 

It's not really one I have a great answer for. I have no real wisdom to offer here other than what my own experience with the subject has issued. So, if you'll allow me, I'd like to submit unto you (no pun intended) my opinion on the whole matter based upon what I have heard my whole life, what I have heard at church, and what I have personally experienced in my own marriage relationship. 

At the top of the page I put the definition of submit as it appears on dictionary.com. The first definition states that to submit means to give over or yield to the power/authority of another person. I think that this is the area of submission that gets most women. I find it funny, however, that it not only affects the lost/unsaved as it does, but that it affects us Christian women equally as much. I find it thus because, isn't the very premise of our faith the idea that we can't do things on our own? That we, in and of ourselves, are not worthy to get into heaven and that we need someone, an intercessor, to get us in? That definition states that to submit means to "yield to the power/authority of another" and, in our case, that means Christ. The very foundation of our Christianity is the idea that we are yielding to the power that is Christ to save us because we cannot do it ourselves. I don't see many Christian women getting ruffled up about that idea. Christ is the head of the church. I think that is something we can universally agree on right? Right. And, as such, don't we love, honor, obey, and yield to Him? We are to go to Him on all matters that are out of our control...meaning basically everything right? Right. Colossians 1:18 says, "And he is the head of the body, the church...that in all things he might have the preeminence." We, Christian men AND women, believe that. 

So, lets look at the second definition which states that to submit means to "defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc..." I don't know what other smarter people would say to this, but I find that that first definition can be used to describe the way that we should submit to Christ. I think that this second definition is a good way to describe how we can (and should) submit to our husbands. The bible says that when we get married, we become one flesh (Matt 10:8). We are no longer living for ourselves or by ourselves. We have joined with another soul for life. So it seems only logical to me that not only should we seek our husbands opinion, approval, etc..but shouldn't we want to as well? I don't know about you but for me, when I chose Robert as my one and only, I didn't do it solely based on his looks (though those DID help his cause). I chose him for many reasons including his intelligence, his kindness, his patience, and a myriad of other qualities. Why would I not trust him to make these decisions for and without me? I loved and trusted him enough to share a life with him but not any decisions? Now, I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone has a husband like mine, but God didn't give a whole lot of instruction on what to do if you happened to marry a scoundrel, ya know? If you are married to an abusive type then that is a completely different issue (seek help). For the rest of us, we can only go with what He did give us instructions for and that includes submission to our husbands, however difficult that may be for us independent women. 

I know these things are hard to swallow. They have been, and are, still things I struggle with daily. Its hard for me, a go-getter, to wait until I have "cleared" things with my husband. Even saying that makes me warm. So, how do we get over this hill? How do we come to terms with something like this? Something so obviously uncomfortable to us as women especially in today's popular culture of crazy feminism? Again, I can offer only what I have experienced in my own life and marriage. Robert and I are nowhere near perfect and volumes could be written about the mistakes we've made but we would like to think that we can usually work this out. Our solution is this: knowing and trusting each other. In our short five years of marriage thus far, I have learned so much about my husband. I know him like I know myself. He knows me just as well if not better. He knows my flaws, what buttons to push, what makes me swoon, what makes me spit fire, and everything in between. I know all of those things about him as well. So when it comes to my feelings on this topic of submission he knows exactly how I feel both when I'm acting in the flesh and when I'm acting like the Christian I am. He knows its a struggle. He also knows what God has said for me in regards to the topic, so he not only knows how I feel about it, but he knows what I should do despite those feelings. He also knows what God has said for him to do on the flip side of that coin which is to love me as Christ loves the church (which, lets just be honest, is perfect love). So, knowing what I have been directed to do by Christ and what he has been directed to do, he has a choice to make. How does he show me that kind of love and how does he do it while still expecting me to do what i'm supposed to? 

He uses what he knows about me. For example I like to be in control of things...meaning I'm a control freak...meaning that obviously this submission thing is horribly hard for me. I often feel that if I don't do it myself it won't get done right. Robert is aware of this need. He knows that I like to feel responsible for things, that I need to have something in my control to feel successful. So, he gives some things over to me. He has allowed me to be the one in charge of our day to day finances. I like dealing with the figures and knowing what we have. He doesn't. If it came down to a huge purchase, like say a home, obviously I would then have to take it back to him, but he knows me and trusts me enough to deal with our everyday dealings in this area. We have several areas like that for both him and I. It works for us. Knowing that we can trust each other with the little things helps us come together on the big things. I know that this may seem oversimplified but it works for us. You have to be willing to look at each other through the eyes of Christ and work out for yourselves the way that you will respond to what Christ has commanded you to do. You have to find your own system; one that aligns with Scripture. 

In the end, however, its not how we do it that matters. It only matters that we do. Why?

Because Christ said so. Period. I know that's not the popular answer but it is the honest truth. It's like when your parents used to be obnoxious and answer, "because I said so" in response to your questions as a kid. Now, I know none of us would ever call God obnoxious so why do we scoff so hard at the idea of doing something when He's told us to do it? And more than once I might add. We'd never think to disagree with Christ giving the order but when our husband or preacher or Sunday school teacher brings it up we physically flinch. In my opinion that's just our pride and sin nature getting in the way of what God has planned for us. We ARE smart and we ARE strong and we CAN be logical...so why can't we get this? We like to pretend that its a conspiracy that men like our husbands thought up to make us slaves. Well...they didn't. God did. So what do we say then? How do we process the idea that God, not man, designed the concept of submitting one to another, woman to man? Well, in my opinion, we do it like we do everything else concerning biblical matters. We do it by acknowledging that His ways are not our ways and that we do not have to always understand in order to carry through with it. We do it by reading the scripture and getting intimately familiar with the One who wrote it so that we can be in the right in this and in all things as we ought. This post is not to convince you that its right, the Bible speaks for itself and you believe it or you don't. All I'm trying to accomplish at this point is to get us to start thinking of submission as a God-thing and not some scheme masterminded by the men of this world. It begins with a Holy God...where it goes from there is determined by our attitudes and those of our husbands. Where it goes from there is our choice. We either accept it and embrace it knowing it is God-given or we don't

What will you do?